Birdie and the Alien Blues

“You can say things to a girlfriend,” thought Birdie, “that if you said them to your husband, he would just look at you as if you were an alien from another planet.”

He wouldn’t begin to understand, but it wouldn’t keep him from interpreting it as an assessment concerning his lack of manly charms, manly prowess, manly good looks, manly business acumen, or just general manliness. At that point, you have to either leave him thinking that you find him less than manly as a result of your saying something like, “It’s Monday again. (Sigh!)” or you can explain until your head falls off, that you are suffering from a slight case of the blues, and this general malaise has been settling down over you for a while, but you didn’t want to say anything because you assumed you would get over it and anyway, you knew you didn’t have a reason in the world to feel down and felt a little guilty even thinking that way as your life was really 200% wonderful–more wonderful than anybody else’s life that you knew about–and so what was there to feel down about, for Pete’s sake? And furthermore, you hated it when other people said they were bored because you always thought, well, do something different then. Quit being bored. But here you were. just a little bored with your life. (How horrible to say it out loud.) Not that you wanted anything less than you had, God forbid, but you just yearned for something different, and you felt powerless to change it. You knew that you were a pitiful, pathetic slug. And then he would finally understand. He would realize it was because you thought he lacked manliness.Not so with a girlfriend. She would listen and say, ” I know. I’ve felt like that, too. And I think my butt’s too big.”

Oh, me, too!” you reply, delighting in the comfort of hearing your native tongue. And then you plan to go for a Coke or browsing antiques stores, or for a walk, or anything. It doesn’t really have to be different. It just has to be something to do together so you can talk.

“Of course,” thought Birdie, ” you don’t want your husband to say the things your girlfriend would say. That would just be weird. You want him to hug you and say, “It’s going to be ok, Babe. Have you lost weight? You look thinner.”

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